Being angry at myself vs being angry at someone else

Or not being angry and being depressed instead 🤔

Recently I was very angry at someone else but fortunately didn't lash out excessively. I did express my feelings and state what was bothering me. My anger at the other person was more strongly felt when I was away from that person.

But then I started acting out toward myself and realized that I was ESPECIALLY angry with myself. Disappointed in myself. Very much so. I felt like I had let myself down. My world was suddenly a mess. Nothing felt right. Everything felt disorganized. Chaotic. Messy.

But not feeling the anger could have easily led to a descent into depression. No thank you. The saying that depression is anger turned inward rings true. Depression is the lowest of lows and is to be avoided or processed through as quickly as possible. 😬

I ultimstely and fortunately decided to change what I was doing that made me so upset with myself. I decided to take responsibility.

So many times when I'm upset with someone else…I'm actually mad at myself. But sometimes it takes me way too long to realize that.

I have more control over things when I take responsibility. When I realize that I'm the one I'm actually mad at. Upset with. Disappointed with. Disgusted by.

It gets better when I feel my feelings and look in the mirror and realize that I'm usually the one to blame.

Saying that, I realize someone can be a victim of some random act of evil.

But usually there's nothing random about what has happened to me. What I've done to myself.

Live and learn and eventually learn from my mistakes.

Hopefully.